I have had quite the journey to self-discovery; a voyage brought on by the pains of a broken heart to be quite honest. I wasn’t ready for it, or rather, I didn’t have the power to set sail until life gave me a big ol’ honking turd to polish (when I thought life was already shitty enough). I had been so unhappy for such a long time and settled for the mundanity that was my existence. I hated my job, I was the heaviest I had ever been, and I was in love with a person whom I was actually incompatible with.
Finally, it came crashing down all at once it seemed. There was a steep decrease in hours at my contract job (a situation which was entirely out of my control), the first person I had ever loved left me (not once but twice!), and I was still overweight and increasingly in financial debt.
I am still in debt, that’s something that cannot be changed at the moment, however, I have crossed off the following goals from my list which I made in January:
- “Do” comedy (I have completed a comedy sketch class at the Fallout Theatre and am currently enrolled, via scholarship, in another sketch writing course at Coldtowne Comedy).
- Lose 40 pounds (it’s crazy how I lost what took several years to gain in only a few months.
- Learn to weld (I am currently enrolled in an Art Metals class at Austin Community College and have registered for Spring 2019).
- Learn ceramics (I took a 6 week class at the Dougherty Arts Center after a pinch pot workshop at CRAFT)
- Learned how to sew from pattern, fit, and finish to be able to create my own custom wardrobe (my education started at The Cloth Pocket, which has recently closed its brick-and-mortar).
I’m proud of what I have accomplished, but truth be told, I really just wanted to fill my time with any and everything to avoid the sadness that shrouds my heart—it still aches and not a day goes by that I don’t think of my ex, even though it’s been 7 months since we parted ways, albeit reluctantly on my part.
Still, none of this could have been accomplished if I didn’t set up goals. I’m not a goal-oriented person, or I hadn’t been in a very long while. I sort of was just taking a back seat to the ride called life and hoped that I would just get there, without looking or caring. “Things will just take care of it’s self” are definitely famous last words of a fool, and a fool was I, and still am in some respects.
The point is, make goals!
My list was derived from prompts in a hippy dippy self-help book “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron. This book, as corny and cheesy as it is, did help me a great deal through the emotional rollercoaster I was on sans being bucked in. Morning pages, a tool used in “The Artist’s Way”, are a practice I’ve now come to do almost every single morning without fail.
I’ve read several self-help books since but none have been as helpful as Julia Cameron’s workbook (which I highly recommend in paperback form so that you can have a physical workbook). Lately, I’ve been enjoying the podcast “Business SHET” by Mimi G, a home sewist turned entrepreneur and all-around powerhouse.
I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe a regular 9–5 job, where my livelihood is dependent on others, and working in a system which is based on hierarchy and objectivity, is NOT for me. However, I have not figured out what exactly it is I want to do (existential crisis story of my life!). I’m using her podcast as a means to find myself and have a business plan once I do. I love that she provides actionable “To Do’s” at the end of every episode, and I intend to use them as a rough map to my next destination.
Don’t feel the need to share your goals; sometimes one needs to protect oneself, especially at the vulnerable stage of conception. People will talk their shit, judge you, and put in their 2 cents when you already said “keep the change”. Don’t let this distract or redact your goals in any way. This precious gift is yours to treasure, and if you have to be a Gollum about it, then so be it!
Set 3 Personal Goals and 3 Business Goals
Dream big because the only person limiting you is yourself. Stop being your own worst enemy. I still have doubts and anxieties and days where I just don’t want to get out of bed because nothing seems worth it, but I know what consequences lie ahead if I don’t. Every day is a struggle and sometimes I fall flat on my face into a heaping pile of failure. Even so, I have to forgive myself and think of tomorrow as a brand new opportunity to try again. So please, set goals and don’t worry about failure. Just do you!